WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize