The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
