Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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