I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
