I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
