apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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