made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
