I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just cropdusted the office
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He? As in you personified your dick?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
