In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
