the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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