Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You smell like stripper and shame
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
