every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
