That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize