Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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