hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
