How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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