He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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