Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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