where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
