I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
