he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
