It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
