i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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