I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
MIDGETS
????
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
