my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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