Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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