You made me cry and you don't even care
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize