My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
