she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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