i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
