Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
