So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
