he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
