At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
