My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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