So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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