It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
