You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize