I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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