stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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