and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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