so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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