I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
