i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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