I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
