Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
