I am in a vortex of obligation.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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