and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Randomize
