u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
