im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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