that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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