My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
