He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
