I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
