textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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