he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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