I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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