Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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