He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
