so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
