I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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