mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
