have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
