Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
