If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize