everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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