I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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