also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
