I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
