Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
