Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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