i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize