Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
